For Your Information Blog
Victims of Crime - How Would You Help?
A friend or family member comes to you and reports they
have been a victim of a crime.
What would you do?
How would you help?
Listening and Responding
It is important to remember that the person you are speaking to has been traumatized and needs support most of all. The most important thing you can do is listen. And when you respond, never suggest that the victimization was their fault. It is natural to want to explain away why something horrible has happened, but a person should never suggest that a crime victim should not have been where they were or doing what they were doing or should have anticipated someone else’s bad actions by having better security (cyber or physical) to avoid being a victim.
A person who has been traumatized may not remember exactly what you said later on, but they will be able to recall how you made them feel, so be gentle, understanding, supportive, and empathetic. It helps to think to yourself, what would I want or need in this situation, and then respond in kind.
Actions
A survivor of crime may both want someone with them more often than previously and may also need a little time alone. You can offer to spend quiet time if they do not want talk too much, and can even help with basic tasks that may seem overwhelming to a recent crime survivor.
You may pick up some groceries, cook a meal, or tidy up around their home to help make them feel more at ease. Again, thinking what would I want or need in this situation and then confirming what is best with the survivor is helpful.
Offer help
There are plenty of organizations and groups who offer professional help to crime survivors. CCFSA administers the Victims of Crime Act (VOCA) Case Management Program which offers survivors of over 25 different crimes support, advocacy in court, and help with the Victim’s Compensation Program.
We have been able to help survivors or domestic violence, identity theft, hate crimes, bullying, vehicular crimes, assault, burglary, and elder abuse to name a few. All services are free and based on what your particular case needs. We have been able to help with housing for survivors of domestic violence who needed to relocate, and have gotten survivors connected to schooling or job opportunities so they can rebuild their lives. We can help a person who has survived identity theft to rebuild their credit. We can assist with the Victim’s Compensation Process to recoup some financial costs of their victimization. And we connect survivors to counseling services to help them work through their trauma. Help is available. Please reach out.
Benefits of Mindfulness
Sometimes the world can seem overwhelming. We are always rushing around between work and school and the grocery store and taking care of our homes and our responsibilities and our families. Sometimes we literally just need to stop and take a breath.
Mindfulness is a practice where a person is trained to focus only on the present moment without any judgement. A person focuses not only on each breath, but each inhale and each exhale. Learning to practice mindfulness in this way is like resetting your computer when it starts to glitch out.
And recently, there has been more evidence of the physical, as well as psychological benefits of practicing mindfulness.
Benefits of Mindfulness
Mindfulness improves well-being. Being mindful makes it easier to savor the pleasures in life as they occur, helps you become fully engaged in activities, and creates a greater capacity to deal with adverse events. By focusing on the here and now, many people who practice mindfulness find that they are less likely to get caught up in worries about the future or regrets over the past, are less preoccupied with concerns about success and self-esteem, and are better able to form deep connections with others.
Mindfulness improves physical health. If greater well-being isn’t enough of an incentive, scientists have discovered that mindfulness techniques help improve physical health in a number of ways. Mindfulness can: help relieve stress, treat heart disease, lower blood pressure, reduce chronic pain, improve sleep, and alleviate gastrointestinal difficulties.
Mindfulness improves mental health. In recent years, psychotherapists have turned to mindfulness meditation as an important element in the treatment of a number of problems, including: depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, couples’ conflicts, anxiety disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
How to Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness involves sitting quietly, usually with your eyes closed, and focusing on your breath. During the time that you are sitting in meditation or mindfulness, you may repeat a word or phrase over and over again in your head that is considered a mantra. This can be something simple like, “Let me be happy. Let me be healthy. Let me be calm” but can certainly be personal to whomever is meditating at the time.
While a person is sitting in mindfulness, thoughts or concerns may creep into a person’s mind. That is ok. It is helpful to let these thoughts come and go like clouds passing overhead without any judgement or additional thought. Any time a person finds themselves losing focus on their breath, they should just redirect their mind back to their breathing without getting frustrated or upset.
Once you have established a routine of sitting in mindfulness several times a week and have become accustomed to learning to relax in this way, you can lean on this technique whenever you need it. Using mindfulness, it only takes a moment to reset your internal computer whenever you are stressed. If you find yourself in a long line in the store or stuck in traffic, for example, you can remember to focus on your breath and the present moment instead of wishing it was over, and you will feel the stress slip away effortlessly.
Mindfulness can be practiced by anyone, at any time, anywhere. The benefits are extensive and can be long-lasting. It is free. I hope you give it a try. We all need a little less stress in our lives. Mindfulness can give you that gift.
Moving Forward After Being A Victim of Crime
How can I move on?
Being a victim of crime, or witnessing a crime, can be a very scary and frightening experience, whether you are a child, a young person or an adult. Remember everyone reacts differently to crime.
How you react can depend on lots of factors – such as what happened to you, the kind of person you are, the support networks you already have and your past life experiences. While some feelings – such as anger or fear – are more common, there are no rules. So whatever you are feeling is fine.
How long will it take until I feel better?
Some people are able to get on with their lives immediately, while for others it can take weeks, months or years to begin to pick up the pieces, or talk about how the crime has affected them. We know that dealing with your feelings can be difficult, but most people find that talking about it helps. That’s where our Victim of Crime Act (VOCA) Case Managers can really make a difference.
Potential Effects of Trauma
Some people who have been victims of crime may experience some of these symptoms.
Physical
Nausea
Tremors
Chills or sweating
Lack of coordination
Heart palpitations or chest pains
High blood pressure
Headaches
Sleep disturbances
Stomach upset
Dizziness
Loss of appetite
Startled responses
Emotional
Anxiety
Fear
Guilt
Grief
Depression
Sadness
Anger
Irritability
Numbness
Feeling lost, abandoned, and isolated
Wanting to withdraw or hide
Mental
Slowed thinking
Confusion
Disorientation
Memory problems
Intrusive memories or flashbacks
Nightmares
Inability to concentrate
Difficulty in making decisions
Tips for Coping
These are some ideas that may help you cope with the trauma or loss:
Find someone to talk with about how you feel and what you are going through.
Keep the phone number of a good friend nearby to call when you feel overwhelmed or feel panicked.
Allow yourself to feel the pain. It will not last forever.
Keep a journal.
Spend time with others, but also make time to spend some time alone.
Take care of your mind and body. Rest, sleep, and eat regular, healthy meals.
Re-establish a normal routine as soon as possible, but don’t over-do.
Make daily decisions, which will help to bring back a feeling of control over your life.
Exercise, though not excessively and alternate with periods of relaxation.
Undertake daily tasks with care. Accidents are more likely to happen after severe stress.
Recall the things that helped you cope during trying times and loss in the past and think about the things that give you hope. Turn to them on bad days.
These are things to avoid:
Be careful about using alcohol or drugs to relieve emotional pain. Becoming addicted not only postpones healing, but also creates new problems.
Make daily decisions, but avoid making life changing decisions in the immediate aftermath, since judgment may be temporarily impaired.
Don’t blame yourself—it wasn’t your fault.
Your emotions need to be expressed. Try not to bottle them up.
For some victims and families of victims, life is forever changed. Life may feel empty and hollow. Life doesn’t “mean” what it used to. Part of coping and adjusting is redefining the future. What seemed important before may not be important now. Many victims find new meaning in their lives as a result of their experience. It is important to remember that emotional pain is not endless and that it will eventually ease. It is impossible to undo what has happened but life can be good again in time.
For Family and Friends of a Victim of Crime
Listen carefully.
Spend time with the victim.
Offer your assistance, even if they haven’t asked for help.
Help with everyday tasks like cleaning, cooking, caring for the family, minding the children.
Give them private time.
Don’t take their anger or other feelings personally.
Don’t tell them they are “lucky it wasn’t worse”—traumatized people are not consoled by such statements.
Tell them that you are sorry such an event has occurred to them and you want to understand and help them.
Successful Co-Parenting Following Divorce
Divorce is difficult on anyone, but especially the children of the family in transition. When a family is transitioning, the important thing to remember is that both parents still want the best for their children. Children are extremely vulnerable during these times and it’s important to co-parent in a way that is best for their growth and development. Co-parenting with civility and respect will lead to children becoming more productive and happy adults when they grow up.
Since the 1960’s, divorce for first marriages has been 50-percent, with an even higher percentage for subsequent marriages. Children in these families experience the same emotions as the parents - anger, fear, hurt, sadness, and frustration - but do not have the same perspective on those feelings, or an advanced way of dealing with them.
Steps you can take and why:
Parents should always provide opportunities for their children to talk about their feelings without judgement, and should react compassionately to what their children are saying. Children may feel fearful, because they are dependent on their family for everything and that structure is crumbling. Children will worry about their parents, and sometimes feel like they need to take care of the parents who are going through a difficult time. The same children may also feel angry that the adults in their life couldn’t work things out and stay together. The children may also be lonely, as parents are preoccupied with their situation. All of these emotions can be confusing and frustrating for the child and they may be afraid to express these feelings for fear of getting punished or abandoned.
Communicate with the children that the divorce is not their fault. Children may also blame themselves for the break-up of the family, so it is imperative they know it is not their fault for the divorce. Parents may be under the impression that the child is not blaming themselves, so they may not address it directly, but in most cases, the child will be creating a faulty narrative that the marriage would have survived if it weren’t for the added stress of them.
Also, children see, hear, and feel the conflict between the parents, and that conflict has a negative impact on their emotional well-being. Parents can mediate this by learning how to communicate effectively with their children during and after this transition. Children need all their feelings validated and respected. Listen to your children first and hear what they are saying, rather than placing your expectations on what they should feel. It’s also important to give your child time and space to come to you with their feelings. They should never be rushed or interrogated about how they feel. It helps to have an ongoing dialogue about small things, so you’ll eventually be able to talk about the big things when they come up.
Parents need to provide consistency, cooperation, and positive communication. Part of this positive communication is to never speak poorly about the other parent to the child. The issues that one parent has with the other, or the trouble in their relationship, should never be brought to the child. Children do not have the same issues with their parents as the parents have with each other. It is important for the children to know that even though the structure of their family is dividing, or will look different after the transition, the structure is still sound, and they can still rely on both parents and their family for support and guidance as they grow up. Children must be free to love both parents equally and to experience their loss honestly. They did not choose to get divorced, the parents did, so they may be slower to accept the transition. It may take children several years to accept the changes in the family.
Where your children are developmentally will determine how you need to address these changes in the family. However, no matter what stage of development they are at, the important thing to understand is that the divorce, separation, or transition alone does not harm children. It is the intensity and duration of the conflict between parents will adversely affect the child’s development.
Parents should understand that divorce can be difficult on children and always react compassionately to what they are experiencing
Parents should always provide opportunities for their children to talk about their feelings without judgement
Parents should communicate with the children that the divorce is not their fault
Parents need to provide consistency, cooperation, and positive communication
Parents should never speak ill of the other co-parent
Parents should understand that reactions to a family separation can vary from child to child and from age to age
Co-parent with civility and respect
Looking Forward:
Children can adapt very well to a family transition, but it depends on the parents and their reaction to the fear and very real concerns of abandonment that the children may be feeling. Parents need to work together to co-parent these children in a way that is respectful and cooperative, for the good of the children.
Some of the hallmarks of this cooperative co-parenting should be flexibility, tolerance of each other’s life styles, consistency, involvement with the children, and the acknowledgment that the other parent is still very important to the child, even though you are no longer married.
Parents should never speak poorly about the other parent in front of the children and should work to include them as much as possible in the children’s lives. Parents should diminish conflict whenever possible. It helps to approach the co-parent in a courteous and professional manner, instead of the personal and emotional way that you’ve communicated in the past. With civility and respect, parents should be able to transition smoothly without causing the myriad of physical and mental issues for their children. Even though the parents have chosen to divorce, the children should never have to pay the price for that transition.
What is trauma?
How to recognize it and what to do about it.
What is trauma?
When we think of trauma, we often think of a single event that causes great pain or harm. However, trauma is not that limited. A traumatic event can be anything that causes symptoms such as:
Flashbacks of the event
Nightmares of the event
Avoidance of people, places, or things that remind you of the event
Feeling numb or disconnected from others
Difficulty concentrating
Exhaustion
Sadness
Anxiety
Chronic pain
Angry outburst or irritability
Substance abuse
Insomnia
Self-harming behaviors
Belief that the world is a dangerous place and that you cannot trust anyone
Inability to experience pleasure
There are also different types of trauma. A person can experience acute, chronic, or complex trauma.
Acute Trauma
Acute trauma is probably the type that most people are familiar with. An acute trauma occurs when a person is exposed to a single highly stressful event, such as a natural disaster, witnessing violence, being the victim of violence, or anything that threatens your life or your safety. Acute trauma can lead to long-term mental health problems if not appropriately addressed early.
Chronic Trauma
Chronic trauma is a response to repeated, ongoing traumatic experiences, such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, domestic violence, or poverty. These situations can lead to lasting effects such as anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), flashbacks, nightmares, substance abuse disorders, and self-harming behaviors.
Complex Trauma
Complex trauma occurs when a person has prolonged exposure to traumatic circumstances, such as being abandoned, child abuse or neglect, sexual assault, or war-related experiences. Complex trauma can cause both mental and physical harm to an individual who experiences it.
Common Causes of Trauma
Trauma can be caused by many different experiences. We associate highly dangerous, dramatic, scary situations, such as violence, abuse, natural disasters, or death when we think someone is traumatized, but it can also come from more routine or universal experiences that affect one person more greatly than another. These can include:
Being excluded from a friend or co-worker group
The loss of a pet
The loss of income due to unemployment or illness
Physical injury
Prolonged exposure to news of violence, wars, or natural disasters
Isolation
Fear of death
Following the COVID-19 pandemic, many more children and adults are experiencing trauma due to the loss of a loved one, a change in their economic status, isolation, and a fear of the unknown and death. It is important to seek professional help if you are experiencing some of the symptoms of trauma above. Caring for your mental health is just as important as your physical health and early intervention is extremely effective in managing any adverse effects of trauma. Children who have been traumatized can get a free mental health evaluation by referring to our Screening Connecticut’s Youth (SCY) Program.
You can refer a child to the program by clicking here and filling out this form.
Warning Signs of a Controlling or Abusive Relationship
When a relationship is new, even partners who will eventually become abusive can seem like the ideal mate, but warning signs may start to occur that something is not quite right. Abusers will often use manipulative tactics to make their partners feel like they should not trust their instincts. They may gaslight, a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind, a victim into thinking the abusive behavior was the their fault, or that it was not as bad as they perceived.
More than 12 million people are abused annually in the United States, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. There are usually some red flags before the abuse begins.
Red Flags
Telling you that you never do anything right.
Showing extreme jealousy of your friends or time spent away from them.
Preventing or discouraging you from spending time with others, particularly friends, family members, or peers.
Insulting, demeaning, or shaming you, especially in front of other people.
Preventing you from making your own decisions, including about working or attending school.
Controlling finances in the household without discussion, such as taking your money or refusing to provide money for necessary expenses.
Pressuring you to have sex or perform sexual acts you’re not comfortable with.
Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol.
Intimidating you through threatening looks or actions.
Insulting your parenting or threatening to harm or take away your children or pets.
Intimidating you with weapons like guns, knives, bats, or mace.
Destroying your belongings or your home.
“Abuse comes in so many forms; it doesn’t ever have to get physical. If someone calls you names, stops you from seeing family/friends, monitors what you post on social media, keeps your money or other forms of income, controls your medication, etc., this is also abuse. This is applicable to all relationships, not just intimate partners. Interactions with family members, friends, individuals in caretaking positions, and other relationships can turn abusive.
While we all may experience abuse differently, it is never your fault. Abuse can happen to anyone, which is why it’s important to remember that you can always seek help. You are not alone.”
Krystal Ambrozaitis, MS
VOCA Regional Coordinator
What should a healthy relationship look like?
A healthy relationship should include the following characteristics. Everyone goes through stressful times and are not always the ideal partner at all times, but health relationships should default to these characteristics more often than not.
Mutual respect
Communication without fear of retaliation
Honesty and accountability
Trust and support
Fair negotiation when there are differences of opinion
When to ask for help
“As a child I witnessed many years of domestic violence. It was a scary time for me. I wondered why she would not leave, but when I became an adult I learned why. She was afraid to leave as many DV victims are afraid. As a child I never said a word; enduring years of trauma witnessing my mother being brutality assaulted. But one day my mom decided to leave him and we stayed at several DV shelter’s across the state. She never went back and regained her life. I will always admire my mother for having the courage to walk away from that horrific situation. My mother is my hero. Don’t be afraid to break the cycle. WE can help.”
Yolanda Ortiz, MS
VOCA Regional Coordinator
If you recognize any of the behaviors above in your partner, it is important to know that help is available. The case managers of our Victims of Crime Act (VOCA) Program can assist with a safety plan, provide advocacy and support, help you find housing if necessary, and help you with the Victims Compensation Process. It is not too late to change the ending of your story.
For more information or to fill out a referral form, see https://www.ctfsa.org/voca-case-management-program
The Importance of Early Detection and Intervention for Mental Health Issues in Children and Adolescents
Mental health is just as important as physical health, but it's often overlooked in children and adolescents. However, mental health issues can have a profound impact on a child's life, affecting their relationships, academic performance, and overall well-being. That's why early detection and intervention are crucial for addressing mental health issues in children and adolescents.
Early Detection Saves Lives
When mental health issues go undetected and untreated, they can worsen over time and lead to serious consequences, such as suicide or self-harm. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), suicide is the second leading cause of death for people ages 10-34. However, early detection and intervention can prevent these tragic outcomes.
Detecting Mental Health Issues in Children
Detecting mental health issues in children and adolescents can be challenging, as they may not have the words to describe how they're feeling or may not understand what's going on. However, there are some signs to watch for that may indicate a mental health issue:
Changes in mood, behavior, or personality
Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
Problems with eating or appetite
Trouble focusing or completing tasks
Physical symptoms such as stomach aches or headaches
Substance use or abuse
If you notice any of these signs in your child, it's important to talk to them and seek professional help if necessary.
Intervention is Key
Intervention can take many forms, depending on the nature and severity of the mental health issue. It may involve therapy, medication, or a combination of both. The important thing is to get help as soon as possible. The longer mental health issues go untreated, the harder they can be to overcome.
Tangible Action Steps
Here are some tangible action steps you can take to support your child's mental health:
Talk to your child: Encourage open communication with your child, and listen to what they have to say. Be supportive and understanding, and let them know that you're there for them.
Educate yourself: Learn about the signs of mental health issues in children and adolescents, and how to get help if necessary. The more you know, the better equipped you'll be to support your child.
Seek professional help: If you suspect that your child may be struggling with a mental health issue, seek professional help as soon as possible. Talk to your child's doctor or a mental health professional to get a proper diagnosis and treatment plan.
Advocate for mental health: Help reduce the stigma surrounding mental health by advocating for mental health awareness and support in your community. Talk to your child's school about mental health education, and support organizations that focus on mental health.
Early detection and intervention are crucial for addressing mental health issues in children and adolescents. By being proactive and taking action to support your child's mental health, you can help prevent serious consequences and improve their overall well-being. If you're concerned about your child's mental health, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Remember, mental health is just as important as physical health, and early detection can save lives.
Sign Up for the SCY Program Today!
Don't wait to get your child the support they need. Sign up for the Screening Connecticut's Youth (SCY) program today and get a better understanding of your child's mental health. Early detection and intervention can make all the difference in helping your child manage their mental health and thrive!
Understanding the Signs and Symptoms of Anxiety in Children and How to Help
Anxiety is a normal part of life, but when it becomes overwhelming and affects a child's daily functioning, it can be a cause for concern. Children with anxiety may feel nervous, scared, or worried about everyday situations. As a parent or caregiver, it's important to recognize the signs and symptoms of anxiety in children and provide support and resources to help them manage their anxiety.
Signs and Symptoms of Anxiety in Children
Anxiety can manifest in different ways for different children. Some common signs and symptoms of anxiety in children include:
Refusal to attend school or social activities
Worrying excessively about everyday events or future events
Complaints of physical symptoms such as headaches or stomach aches
Difficulty sleeping or nightmares
Avoiding situations that trigger anxiety
Frequent tantrums or crying spells
Perfectionism and excessive self-criticism
If you notice any of these signs in your child, it's important to address them and provide support and resources.
How to Help Children with Anxiety
Validate their feelings: Let your child know that it's okay to feel anxious and that you understand what they're going through. Encourage them to express their feelings and listen attentively.
Practice relaxation techniques: Teach your child relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. Practice these techniques together and incorporate them into your child's daily routine.
Encourage positive self-talk: Help your child replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Encourage them to talk to themselves in a positive and encouraging way.
Set achievable goals: Help your child set realistic and achievable goals. Celebrate their successes and encourage them to keep trying.
Seek professional help: If your child's anxiety is severe or interfering with their daily functioning, seek professional help. Talk to your child's doctor or a mental health professional about treatment options.
If you suspect your child may be struggling with anxiety, don't hesitate to reach out for help. Remember, anxiety is treatable, and with the right support and resources, your child can learn to manage their anxiety and feel more confident. Consider scheduling a screening with the SCY program to get a better understanding of your child's mental health. With early detection and intervention, your child can receive the support they need to thrive.
Sign Up for the SCY Program Today!
Don't wait to get your child the support they need. Sign up for the Screening Connecticut's Youth (SCY) program today and get a better understanding of your child's mental health. Early detection and intervention can make all the difference in helping your child manage their anxiety and thrive.